How to Beat the Hell out of Someone Bigger than you

I’ve learned a lot of lessons in life from my little brother.  From a very early age, like most siblings, we fought ALL the time.  It seems like every time our parents left us home alone or we competed (backyard baseball or Nintendo games like Tecmo Superbowl), it inevitiably ended up in a fight.  As the first born, I had 2 1/2 years age and size advantage.  Usually our fights would start with me winning the first physical rounds.  As time went on, my little brother started getting smarter.

Instead of trying to out muscle me, he began looking for forms of leverage to keep me at bay.  If I beat him with my hands, he would come back with rocks.  If I beat him with rocks, he would come back with a kitchen knife.  If I bested him with the kitchen knife, he’d get a baseball bat.

The other thing he did if he lost a fight is he would wait until I forgot about it and attack me then.  I remember one time I was riding my bike hours after one of our fights, and then suddenly waking up discombobulated after being sniped off my bike by a rock that hit me square in head.

I have to admit, as much as I was pissed off about being knocked off my bike or attacked with a baseball bat while unsuspecting, he did earn my respect.  And it taught me some lessons in how to handle bigger guys.

My brother has something in common with one of my movie heroes, “Cool Hand Luke.”  When Dragline and Luke fight in the prison yard, Dragline is easily besting Luke with his superior size and strength…but Luke has heart and one key element it takes to beat the hell out of someone bigger than you: hardheadedness.  Here’s a little secret, whoever has the strongest reality wins.  If you believe in something stronger than your opponent, then your beliefs become the dominant beliefs.  Luke believed more in his reality than did Dragline, so Luke became the new alpha male of the prison, despite taking a beating from Dragline.

You see, most big guys have never really been challenged the way a little guy has.  Like I talked about in an earlier post, most guys give away their power and defer to bigger guys, just because that guy is bigger.  Guess what? Most big guys are soft.

I am not a big guy.  Growing up I had to fight to keep my seat on the bus, to keep others kid from cutting me in the lunch line, to keep from being mercilessly picked on, to protect my brothers, and on and on.  Little guys don’t have ‘NOTHING given to them.  The coaches don’t suck their dicks like they do the guy who is the natural athlete.  Because of this, the little guy has to work harder to prove himself and actually has tons of experience fighting for survival.  A big guy has never broken a sweat outside the athletic field.  He doesn’t know what its like to have to fight just to get by.

Another advantage the little guy has is in being underestimated.  Just like the coaches that scoffed at him, these big guys who assume dominance are in for a big surprise when they find out the underdog will fight like his life depended on it.

Here’s another secret (and its a big one): intensity.  A perfect example of this is Tony Montana in Scarface.  When challenged, he only gets louder.  He doesn’t back down, or puss out.  If you raise your level of intensity, you can sometimes intimidate other guys without having to fight, but be warned, you better have the bite to back up the bark.  Another thing to take from Scarface is this: in how many scenes is Scarface scared? You’ve got to have balls and be fearless.

Finally, whoever throws the first punches usually wins.  Most guys are all talk, but the guy willing to bite first will take the prize most of the time.

So to summarize, the keys to beating the hell out of someone bigger than you are as follows: leverage, hardheadedness, survival instinct, intensity, fearlessness, and the assertiveness to strike first when necessary.

The Most Powerful Force in the Universe

American Beauty is an amazing movie.  There are several fantastic moments, but the one that sticks with me daily is when Kevin Spacey is driving to Mr. Smiley’s with “American Woman” turned up loudly.  He is singing along, not having a care in the world.  Do you think Lester Burnham’s happy in this scene? You’d better believe it.

People get caught up in the rat race, in the day to day minutia that really doesn’t add up to jack shit in the grand scheme of things.  Have you ever seen someone get pissed off that the Starbuck’s barista accidentally used whole milk instead of 2%? I recently had a woman bitch at me at the grocery store for pushing my cart too slow.  Really.   I know it sounds ridiculous, but who hasn’t witnessed some similarly pathetic scene of overreaction.

I say all of this to make this point.  The most powerful force in the universe is indifference.  Sounds simple, but in many cases its easier said than done.  Most people are the way they are because they are conditioned that way from their upbringing and/or societal pressure.  They feel they SHOULD be a certain way.  Because of this, he or she feels pressure or anxiety to perform or behave to certain standards or norms.  Many people experience this from their job.  This causes a lot of stress and interference, and therefore people become like the Annette Benings character on American Beauty: way too wound up!

Kevin Spacey’s character lets go.  He lets the burden of worry wall by the wayside.  He chooses to be happy now.  Life is way too short to feel so tight and restrictive.  The phrase “go with flow” is some great advice, or as Paul McCartney once said, you’ve got to “let it be.”

Indifference doesn’t mean not caring about other people, or being flippant.  It means that you let go of excess and unnecessary stress and worry.  Besides, most of the stuff we worry about never happens anyway, and if it does, its because you attracted it from holding the thought in your head! (More on this concept in a future post)

Another facet of indifference is its power in negotiations.  This ranges from interpersonal to business.  The person who cares the least is in control.  (These guys agree: http://changingminds.org/index.htm) Does the buyer want to make the sell more than the seller wants to buy the product?  In this scenario the seller has the leg up.  And how about in interpersonal relationships? Does one person want a relationship more than the other? The person who wants it more will have to pay more, and that doesn’t necessarily mean ‘pay’ as in monetary terms.

So to summarize, indifference will help you feel lighter by not worrying about things unnecessarily and it aids in negotiations and power dynamics in many other facets of life…In a nutshell, Bob Marley said it best: “Don’t worry, be happy”

You Have the Power

I hate the way our society treats celebrities. We often give far too much social status to people beloved by the media for whatever reason, while neglecting some real ‘rock stars’ like the academia stars who are innovating and inventing the things that are truly impacting millions of people.

That said, most people don’t realize that they have the power.

If a room were empty, and a random man walks in one door and Tom Cruise walks in another, then there would simply be two people in a room. Tom would only have power over the other man if he gave it to him. Granted, if a large group of people were present, and both walked in the room, the crowd would likely give Tom the power due to his celebrity.

The average man suffers from giving away his power all the time. They see a beautiful woman and practically cut their balls off and hand them to her. They are coming from the mental standpoint of being ‘not good enough’ or ‘less than’, when really they perhaps offer more total utility to society than the woman they are giving their power away to. The funny thing is, this same guy wonders why the woman doesn’t view him as a potential mate. “Why doesn’t she like me” he thinks, when the obvious reality is she wants someone more powerful than herself. (I admit this isn’t the case 100% of the time, but I would make the argument that it is the basis for animalistic attraction in heterosexuals). Why would she carry in her womb for 9 months the baby of a man weaker than her? Don’t take this paragraph the wrong way…be good to women and show them respect, but stop giving them the power!

Albeit there are social situations where certain people have an elevated status for example conducting the meeting, or leading in some way, but how many times have you given your power away to someone you’ve simply seen in public? If you start people watching, you’ll see men bow in submission from just walking by someone in the grocery store.

I don’t know about you, but you will have to kill me to make me give away my balls. I’m not saying you shouldn’t respect other people – you definitely should, but stop giving away your fucking power! Stop comparing yourself to others because you can only lose that game. I’m not saying be domineering either. There are definitely scenarios when you need to defer to those placed in charge. However, a man should be strong and assertive and realize he has the power to accomplish whatever it is he desires.

In your exploits, come from a place a power. Watch how much easier it makes life. How can you get ahead if you are always coming from a place of not having, wanting, or weakness? Who wants to buy from the weak sales person?

Lesson: Keep your power and use it to accomplish great things

How to Radically Change Your Life

Psycho-cybernetics (translation: the steering of the mind) is one of the greatest books ever written. It was penned by Maxwell Maltz, a plastic surgeon who discovered that many of his patients still felt ugly, even after having their flaws fixed by procedure. Maltz says this helped him find what he considers one of the most powerful discoveries of the 20th century: the self image.

Its scary how people limit themselves. I can think of countless times I’ve heard people say things like “I’m a _____ kind of guy” or “I suck at math” or “I’m good at X.” You know, whatever you think, you are right. These statements are your self image talking.

I would go as far as to say that the next step in the evolution of man is to deliberately create his own reality. We do this already whether or not we are conscious of it. Your life right now is a reflection of how you see yourself. Your environment is a reflection of the pictures in your mind.

One of the most powerful tools I’ve discovered is the habitual use of affirmations and visualizations. The combined use of both can radically change ones life, because your nervous system doesn’t know the difference between a vividly imagined experience and a real one.

Want to radically change an aspect of your life? Start experiencing ‘as if’ in the theater in your mind.

Remember, to attain anything, you must first BE-DO-HAVE. This is probably the most titanic realization I’ve made in the past year. You must BE the type of person, who in turns DOES the things, to HAVE what it is you want. It does not work any other way.

Affirmations and visualizations are how you shift your way of being. Affirm who you are being (or who you want to be) as if you already ARE it. Visualize what you want your world to look like. Hold those pictures in your mind. Come from a BEING standpoint from a place of success and achievement becomes effortless.

Don’t Be Soft

Most people are soft. They are cowards. They say they want something, but never do the necessary things to get what they want.

Doing personal training for over 2 years made this painfully obvious. I can’t tell you how many times someone has come to see me with the goal of losing 30 or so pounds. The problem isn’t knowledge or in the plan. The snag comes in the execution of that plan.

I admit, I’ve had many successful clients. Clients who for one reason or another, needed a few puzzle pieces in place, some structure, or just a friendly kick in the ass. Unfortunately, I can tell you of 100s of others who have simply given up.

The truth is, aside from extreme genetics, close to all people can lose weight if they stick to a plan and simply execute it daily. If they make the necessary lifestyle changes a habit (proper diet and exercise) then success is a given. Its just a matter of time.

This applies to other aspects of life as well. One that comes to mind is money. If someone would habitually invest 10% of their earnings, over time, that 10% with interest would accumulate into wealth…but I imagine many financial planners experience what many personal trainers do: many people don’t change their habits to get what they want. They don’t get past the initial pain.

And you know what the sad part is? The initial pain on average lasts 21 days. After 21 days, you can pretty much bet your new ways are becoming habit.

Remember the first time you ever lifted weights? I bet you were sore as hell the next day. Sure, you continue to get sore after subsequent workouts (given you are pushing yourself and continually improving), but the soreness becomes bareable and your body adapts.

So what is it that you want? A better figure? More money in the bank? Adopt the habits of success, get through the initial pain, and before you know it, you’ll have what you want.

Lesson: Don’t be soft. Buck up, adopt the habits of success, and persevere to get what you want.