Let’s Just Be Friends

“Let’s just be friends”…a painful phrase I heard one too many times in high school.  Growing up in an extremely religious family didn’t help things.  In fact, I think it was a primary reason I kept my dick in its holster far too often.  I didn’t realize it at the time, but I had ample ‘penis power,’ I just didn’t know how to use it.

Your family,  your upbringing, and peers all have a tremendous effect on your sexuality.  If you grew up in an environment that condoned premarital sex like I did, then maybe you have some resistance and trepidation when it comes to getting laid that’s been deeply embedded into your mind.  It can be overcome, but it takes changing how you think about things.

If a girl is telling you that she just wants to be friends, it basically means 3 things:

1. She doesn’t see you in a sexual way

2.  Shes not sure, so she’s testing you

3.  Very rare, but circumstantial instances like she likes you but is happily married to your brother

Most of the time its # 1.  She doesn’t see you as a sexual threat.  You don’t make her FEEL like mating.  A lot of this can be traced to who you are being.  Are you trying to win her approval? Are you giving her all the power? If you are, then imagine a little chihuahua humping your leg.  That is how you are making her feel.

Do you have a sexual edge to you? You have to BE a sexy guy.  I really hope you aren’t trying to logically convince her into bed with you.  Remember: Change her MOOD, not her mind.

When you’re alone with her, she needs to feel like there is a fucking Cockasaurus Rex in the room.  She should feel a mix of sexual excitement, but also a little bit of uneasiness because she knows the C-Rex is dangerous!

Obviously, DO NOT rape women…however, you do need to be a little bit “bad.”  Women love bad boys, but they hate rapist.  They will very willing sleep with a bad boy, but they will run from guys that try to trick them or force them to do something they don’t want to.  Get it?

In the case of #2, she is likey testing you to see if you are an alpha male and if you are more powerful than her.  The easiest way to overcome tests is to maintain the dominant frame and to never play into her games.  If you are constantly agreeing with her, she has enrolled you into her reality and therefore she is the leader.  Remember, she wants to FUCK the leader…so be the leader!!!

Look, even if you spend all day programming computers or reading books you have a sexy edge somewhere inside of you.  Your mission is to convey that sexy edge to women in a non-threatening way.  The best example I can think of is James Bond.  Watch how he converses with women.  Notice how he has a super confident smirk and is cool and laid back.  He conveys his sexy edge by who he is being.

Now its your turn…

The male penguin would get the female if he stopped being a needy wuss and started being a bad boy!

How to Tell if She Wants You

When I was younger, I have to admit, I was SUPER naive.  Obviously hindsight is 20/20, but I wish I had had an older mentor or friend that would have told me some of this stuff.  Unfortunately, I had to learn a lot of this the hard way–so I’m passing on what could save you a lot of pain and regret.

Here are several signs a girl is really into you.  Some of these are blatantly obviously, but at the same time, knowing these can enhance your awareness.  Make sure to be present, but feel free to acknowledge the ‘green lights’ and know you are doing well.

1. She licks her lips slowly.  I have to admit, this is one I didn’t really pick up on for years, but now it is incredibly obvious.  She is wetting her lips in preparation to exchange fluids.  Your presence is sending the right chemicals to her body–she will sometimes do this very deliberately, but I’ve seen it done subtly in business settings as well.  Be advised–she may just have chapped lips…but if she makes eye contact when she does it, and/or does it more than once, you are getting the green light to kiss and possibly more.

2.  The eyes never lie. Wise wisdom from Scarface himself.  She can’t control her pupils.  Are they dialated when shes around you? That means she likes what she sees.  Where do her eyes go? Eye axioms will tell you a lot.  If she looks down then looks at you, that is a submissive gesture.  If she does it once, then you are getting the green light to come closer.  If she does it twice in a row, then you are good to go.

Held eye contact is another give away.  If she holds eye contact for even a fraction of a second longer than normal, it is a dead giveaway that she is interested.  Does she make eye contact repeatedly? Does she hold it for longer and longer?

3.  Physical contact. Obvious, right? One common example is she will touch your arm when she laughs at your joke.  For the most part, if a woman initiates touch, its a good sign she wants to get to know you better, at least on a social level.  If she thinks you are studly she will rub your shoulders and arms when talking to you.  It definitely pays dividends to workout.  If she wants to fuck, she will put her hand on your upper thigh, or the classic foot rub under the table.

4.  Body orientation. You are powerful, remember? People watch sometime and pay attention to who orients their body to whom.  This will quickly tell you who has the high value or who wears the pants if it is a couple.  You want the girl to orient her body to you.  Ideally, you want to move your body as little as possible.  If she moves her body to match yours, then she sees you as powerful.

Also, watch and see if she accentuates her hour glass figure.  Most women will use two hands to stroke their hair with their elbows out.  She is communicating “I am a fertile women.”

5.  Her language. This one is huge, and another give away if you are conscious of it.  I remember going to a coffee shop once and waiting in line behind a real dorky guy.  He was talking to the barista, and she was nice enough to converse with the guy, but it was blatantly obviously she wasn’t in to him.  However, the guy didn’t really get it.  She disagreed with the statements he made.  She used works like ‘cold’ or ‘bad’…basically a lot of negative language and the opposite of sexual words.

I went to this coffee shop regularly and talked this girl a lot.  When she talked to me, she used words like “hot” and the phrase “hook up” and agreed with the comments I made.  The guy before me was getting the red light.  I was getting the green.

The flip side of this is its easy to read into it too much, but if shes agreeing with you, laughing occasionally, and using words with sexual connotations, you are still in the game.

6.  Showing skin. If a girl is into you, she will literally show you more skin.  I’m not even kidding.  Sometimes when I talk to girls at the gym, they will lift their shorts just a little to expose more leg, or at business meetings, some women will subtly tug on their v-necks to expose a little more cleavage.

7.  She will use her hair. For the most part, women use their hair to attract men.  It is a health indicator, as long healthy hair indicates that the women has been healthy for quite some time.  She will flip it at you in order to get your attention.  If shes shakes her hair and preens excessively, then you are doing well.  Also, if she pushes all of her hair to one side in order to better expose her neck you are getting a green light.

How to Rule your School

My first two years of college, I was a nerd.  I worked in the computer lab and had a sparkling 4.0 GPA.  I think over the course of those two years, I slept with a whopping total of 3 girls and went to a total of 5 parties.  I was super insecure, generic looking, and introverted.  I spent way too much time on my computer alone on Saturday night.

Just thinking about it makes me cringe a little bit.  It was a painful time, and although I was having success academically, I was royally flunking at having a social life.  I remember several times eating alone at the cafeteria and feeling just totally fucked up.

Somewhere along the way I made a firm decision that I would change things.  During my junior year I started going to more parties, hanging out with cool people, and just having a much better time.  In retrospect, there were 4 key factors that took me from a nerd that beat off all week end to becoming the mayor of my college.

1. Talk to Everyone rule- I’m not sure how I came up with this, but it got rid of my anxiety better than any prescription drug ever could.  If I made eye contact with anyone passing me, I had to say “hi” or “whats up.”  Pretty soon, those conversations got longer, and I couldn’t go anywhere without being recognized or noticed.  This inevitabley got me out of my head and helped me become far more extroverted.  This is also huge in building a social life because the bigger your network, the more options you have any day of the week.

This helps with meeting women too, because once you are used to shooting the shit with anyone, if you see the hottest girl in the world you won’t have any hesitancy.  That, and being popular helps you get laid.  (See: How to get chicks without trying)

2. Having Purpose – We’ve established in almost every post until now, that most people are followers and are therefore, reactive.  A great way to see this in action, is to go to a party, bar, or social function and watch what people do when they enter a room.   If you people watch, you will notice that many people will walk into a room and won’t even speak to anyone.  They will go grab a drink and then huddle in some corner alone or just with the group they arrived with.  If you do this, you are killing what could be an incredible evening.  Here’s a HUGE tip: your first 5-10 seconds in a room will usually make or break your night.

If you walk into an event and just say “hi” to the first people you see, you are setting the precedent that you are a normal, cool person, and I guarantee you, your night is going to go 100x better.  Women notice these kind of things.  If you walk in and sulk about the room not talking to anyone, you can pretty much forget about getting laid.  That is creepy dude, think about it!

Have a purpose.   Don’t just loiter around.  You have things to do.  Get other people enrolled into what you are doing…don’t just be reactive waiting around for things to happen – get off your ass and make them happen! Have fun and let others participate.

3. Visualizations – Sometime after I made the firm decision to change my life, I spent about 1-2 hours a night vividly visualizing what my new life would look like.  Nothing really changed for about 2 months, but once things started to happen, it was like an avalanche!

What is your destination? Give your mind an endpoint and it will get your there on autopilot.

4. Competition / Success models – I remember asking a girl friend of mine, who she thought was the hottest guy on campus.  I wanted to know, from a different perspective, what kind of guy women found attractive.  She pointed out a guy that was in one of my classes that I knew casually.  So guess who my new best friend was?

I started hanging out with the guy she pointed out, and at first it was kind of painful.  The guy was amazing with women and brought a different one home almost every night.  Just like I mentioned in the “Run with Skunks” post, you pick up stuff from the people you associate with, whether you like it not.  Hanging out with my new friend helped me quickly pick up some of his success habits.

It also helped having the competition.  There were several times I’d take a girl home even if I was kind scared or didn’t feel like it just so I could save face.  I couldn’t stand having this guy kicking my ass all the time.  It certainly wasn’t over night, but gradually I started being competitive with him and it pulled me to the next level.

To recap, the quickest and easiest way to rule your school is to get out of your head and talk to people.  Associate with people you want to be like and visualize how you want to be when you are at home.  By the way, the easiest way to get laid in college (besides being on the football team) is to play in a rock band or throw house parties.  Now go have fun!

“You Become What you Think About”

“You Become What you Think About”… I first heard these powerful words from Earl Nightingale’s Lead the Field program.  If you haven’t noticed already, I’m a huge fan.  He makes the example in his talk that people that think about becoming doctors, go to school and do the necessary steps to become doctors.  It all begins with their thought, then decision, and action.

Its a little bit scary how true this process is.  If you’ll start paying attention, you’ll notice you do this for almost everything.  For instance, imagine you are at home watching TV and you are kind of hungry.  You’ll then go through the options in your head.  Then, you make a decision based on different variables (mood, what’s in the pantry, etc.) and then take action…but it all starts in your mind!

Most people get bogged down in the decision making process.  As has been mentioned in almost all the previous posts, most people are followers.  Unfortunately, they wait for someone else to tell them what they should be doing.  They may want to, for example, be a doctor, but are deferring the decision making process to someone else! Something I learned from Dan Kennedy, possibly the best marketer alive, and easily a business genius, is that you can’t wait for someone else to give you permission or appoint you to a position.  First of all, in a lot of cases you already have the power (kind of like Neo in the Matrix, although I feel cheesy referencing it), you simply have to give yourself permission.

Secondly, certifying bodies (for example, think of Karate’s white to black belt process) don’t want everyone at the top.  You might be the best Karate fighter at a blue belt, but for status and power in the group, you have to wait your turn and take your licks.

You can wait 20 years to be sensei, or just give yourself the power

A lot of very successful people give themselves titles and positions of power.  A lot of rappers come to mind like Biggie, Tupac, Kanye, et al.  They have the Scarface mentality of  “I’m gonna get mine.” They have the thought of having lots of money and women.  They then make a committed decision – “I’m gonna get mine.” Then they take action by rapping about their goals on stage and competing in the entertainment arena.

All the bling and money started as a thought in his mind

At the end of the day, its a simple process.

Thought

You’ve got to know what it is that you want.  What does your future look like? Where do you want to be? What do you want to be doing? Before you embark, you must know your destination, or you will float hopelessly adrift the sea of life.

Decision

Make a firm decision about where you will end up.  Be committed to your decision, but make a decision!  Correct course as you head to your destination, but be persistent. Persevere.

Action

Its funny how much more life force you get when you have a definite purpose.  Suddenly you have the energy to get out of bed in the morning.  You can work longer and with joy.  It doesn’t feel like work.  That is how you know you are on course.  Take massive action everyday…its like taking miles out of the long journey to your goal and to the vision that you had in your head.

Do You Feel Like you Deserve it?

A lot of people pay lip service to wanting to “do it big.”  Almost everyone I know says they would like to have more money or fame or status.  The reason they don’t have it is two fold.  One, they don’t see themselves as the kind of person that has money (see: Self-image) and two, they don’t feel they deserve it.  Since I’ve already talked about self image, I’m going to focus on deserving in this post.

When a lot of people are working hard and aren’t experiencing the kind of success they imagined, a lot of times its because they don’t feel deserving. It is the missing link that is frequently overlooked.

Now for a case study…

A few years ago, I was at my personal lowest.  I had hit rock bottom.  I was doing a lot of drugs and was unemployed.  I had no money and a lot of debt.  I had maybe 2 friends, but I never left the house.  Things were going REALLY shitty.

One day in the midst of my turmoil, I get a call from a girl that I used to go to grade school with.  She just moved to to the town I lived in at the time and didn’t really know anyone.

Back in the day she was a little too young to date, but I knew she had a crush on me, and I also knew that she’d be hot when she grew up.  Turns out I was right; she had grown up well and went straight to my door.

Now, I realize this sounds like most guys fantasies coming true…but it really happened.  This hot chick invited herself over.  SHE wanted to hang out with zero effort on my part.

To make a long story short, I didn’t fuck her, much less even kiss her.  I was so depressed.  I didn’t have anything going on.  The incredibly shitty part is that I practically chased her away.  I self sabotaged everything.  I definitely didn’t feel like I deserved a hot chick coming over.

In retrospect, I want to yell and shake the hell of out the old me.  I want to say “DUDE, wake the fuck up! Bone that chick!!!!”

As painful as it is to think about, it really taught me a valuable lesson.  The more action I am taking pursuing my goals and really ‘living,’ the more I accept success and spoils of victory.  Many settle on an income level or a certain standard and stay there because it is comfortable, but also because they don’t feel they deserve more.

How can you feel like you deserve more? By BEING more and DOING more.  Touching the lives of more people.  Having an impact on the lives of those around you.  When you set bigger goals it forces you to become more.  It improves your self esteem because you are forcing yourself to grow, and just like in business: if you aren’t growing, you are dying.

Aim higher!